Loving the Process

I've been thinking a lot lately about learning to love the process and what "the process" actually is.  I find myself so focused on my end goal. Be successful. Use my skills. Afford a comfortable lifestyle. Find a partner. But there's an end to what we all strive for.  Ultimately a process requires that we be fulfilled in the end. Then what? What's left for us to enjoy?                                                              It hit me like a brick wall when a co worker asked me what highway I used to get to work. I realized I didn't even know.  I didn't know the highway I use and have been using almost every other day for the past four months.  If that's not sheer embarrassment, I don't know what is. I recognize that Google Maps and I are far too close for comfort.  Being so concerned about getting lost led to my dependency on the app and I never strayed once.  It's easy to get into the motions. Easy to be comfortable.  Easy to follow the path that's laid out for you. We all come to that time in our life when we don't know what the heck we're doing. At least, I hope we admit we do. Some days I chalk it up to the explanation of a full moon. 

After intently researching my route to work, memorizing the highways, I realized I haven't been paying attention to the details of my struggle and the journey in all its uncomfortableness.  I drive down the highway only focused on where I end up. I'm not paying attention to what I have in front of me.  The raw moments of being vulnerable and scared, not knowing where I am. Those moments -when your girlfriends help you before a first date and the night of movies and ice-cream when it does work out.  The words of inspiration and glass of wine when you have a rough day at work.  The moment when you make a new friend in a huge new city and it finally starts to feel like home.  And the time when the world around you conspires to remind you, you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Those moments -are often overlooked. The space between where I am right now and where I want to be scares the living daylights out of me.  Learning to let that space motivate me instead of terrify me is a process that requires my own permission.  It's hard when you see everyone around you so flawlessly acquiring what they want. It's hard to accept that you're struggling.  And sometimes that struggle just makes you want to nap and give up. I'm learning to love (okay maybe like for now), this time in my life when it's all about the process.  All about going on some pretty horrible and some pretty great dates. All about proving to yourself that even though you feel over qualified for a job, you're not above it. All about learning to truly love yourself because trusting your heart is vital when you start to make some serious life decisions. Then one day learning to love the process won't be hard and I won't have to take so many naps. 

I just finished reading the Alchemist by Paul Coelho. A friend gave it to me awhile ago and I recently found it when unpacking. It's funny how things fall into your lap at the right time. Read it! Seriously.

“I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

xoxo

Fourteen Goals for 2014

Since I've been working this big girl job my blogging efforts have been a complete flop.  Big flop.  So- I'm turning a new leaf, or rather, turning an old one back over this year.  My excuse has been that I don't have anything to write about.  It's pretty lame considering my blossoming relationship with Netflix. 2013 in my mind, is less eventful than 2012.  This past year I graduated college, started paying for my own healthcare and building a 401k.  Again, less eventful.  Two years ago this time I was getting ready to go to Italy for six months. It's weird that it was so long ago. Since coming back it's been hard to find new things to write about. This year, the challenge begins as I find the importance in simplicity.  Not all of life is exciting nor is every event life changing.  As the new year approached I was  confused about the hype of a resolution.  I'm not necessarily resolving something about myself, just aiming to be better. I think goals are easier to work with than resolutions. So i've created Fourteen goals I want to stick by in 2014. Cheesy, but the best ones are.  

1 >> Blog More.   

You have time so do it. Don't do it just because you're abroad or you're doing something that makes you feel superior. It doesn't mean you're not interesting. Blog it out.

2 >> Spend Your Time Preciously.

Time isn't permanent.  The people who encourage you to be your best self yet are okay with who you are presently, are the ones to keep around. Cherish and soak up your time with them.  Don't waste it on someone who frankly, calls because you're convenient. 

3 >> Respect Your Mirror Image.

I've always wondered if what I see in the mirror is what someone else sees when they look at me. That crinkled part of my left ear.  My distinct widows peak. And the way my chin looks when I laugh. I've realized it's exhausting and needs to stop.

4 >> More H2O.

Gotta keep up with that 60% body water capacity. Keep chuggin'

5 >> Less Shopping, Less Clutter.

This is a year of declutter, which sadly means less shopping. No more talking my wants into needs. After moving everything I own 1000 miles, a declutter is in order. I will no longer be needing those frat fanny packs and high school prom dress, thank you very much. 

6 >> Cut Out the Negativity.

My mom always told me it's easier for someone below you pull you off a chair than for you to lift them up onto it.  Considering my lack of upper body strength, it's even harder for me. Negativity is poisonous. Cutting out the negative and radiating positivity makes for good vibes! No more poison. 

7 >> Don't Take Social Media So Seriously.

Let's be real. Everybody strives for those at least eleven likes on Instagram.  In reality...who cares. I liked the picture enough, that should be enough. Social media can be a great thing. It can also be a day ruiner. It's easy to get caught up.  So I vow to let those ten likes slide off my back, even though that sunset picture was bomb. 

8 >> You Are the Commitment Type. 

Let's not spend this year thinking otherwise. 

9 >> Trust Yourself.

You are smart, competent and capable of making your own decisions.  You don't need someone else to decode a cryptic text from an ex and you know that Harem pants are not your thing, no matter what Glamour Magazine says. 

10 >> Pump the Breaks on the Planning.

Yes, everyone is getting engaged. Yes, two of your ex boyfriends are married with children. You're just trying to pay rent. That's okay, go with it.  Not one path fits everyone's needs, just like one size fit all can't possibly fit everyone. Twenty three is not even a decade. Two years, then you can freak out.

11 >> Let Go of the Past Oopsies and Didn't Cares.

In retrospect some decisions were probably not the brightest.  That guy's "'want to watch movies tonight?" text was definitely your first cue to run the other way.  Redbull and Vodkas are a definite thing of the past.  And never let "God" give you a tour at a bar called the Meet Rack. But hey, you live and you learn. Let go, it really doesn't matter.

12 >> Run and Exercise For Your Health.

Don't do it just because you compare yourself to your friends. Do it because health it one of the most important things in life. To be healthy is to live longer.  It is okay to do it partly for the clothes. After all, who can resist cute yet durable Lulu pants?

13 >> Conquer a Fear.

Have faith in your fear.  Being scared is just a feeling, not a reality.  It could be as simple as saying hi to that beastly co worker you always run in to or swimming with sharks! No fear is too small or big. 

14 >> Tone Down the Technology.

This will mostly benefit my bank account. Wanelo and Pinterest are true advertising geniuses! Less Facebook is good for my mojo and stalking tendencies. We wonder why romance has no element of surprise.  You already know he loves NBA Memes and spent the holidays in Italy "enjoying the view of from the top of Capri" with his family before the first date.  What's left to talk about? 

choose your happiness in 2014!

xoxo